“My 3-year-old was playing with a new set of snowflake connectors and found it difficult to connect the pieces together. Each time she tried connecting one snowflake to another, it would fall out within a few seconds as it was not connected tightly enough. This led to a lot of frustration and tears. I knew that if I just helped her connect the pieces, it would calm her down quickly and she would stop crying. However, I resisted doing so as I saw this as an opportunity for he r to develop perseverance and learn to regulate her emotions. I validated her emotions of feeling frustrated because the snowflakes were difficult to connect. I encouraged her to keep trying and guided her as she tried to connect the pieces accurately and with enough strength. The tears continued but she kept trying. Soon, she managed to create a “giraffe” (one of her favourite animals). Later in the day, she started playing with the snowflake connectors on her own again. She did so calmly, as if the earlier episode had given her the confidence that she could do it. I encouraged her for working hard at it. Moments like this have enabled me to carve a loving and open relationship with both my daughters, one that flourishes in the context of God-given roles and responsibilities. As a stay-at-home-mum, I try to be present with them for most of the day – witnessing the little things that bring them delight, stepping in to discipline when there is a need to, training them, being there to listen and guide when there is something affecting them. As Christians, I believe that God has given me and my husband the authority to act as His agents, as we seek to raise our children in the Lord. As such, the relationship I have with my daughters is also one where they know that my husband and I are in charge of them. They know that they are expected to obey us; they also know that they are deeply loved by me and my husband, and most loved by God. An area of growth for me is in managing conflict between my daughters. Now that my daughters are 3 and 1 year old, fights over toys and belongings have become a daily occurrence. I am still learning how best to deal with these situations. I’m trying to acknowledge and validate their emotions, yet guide them to work out solutions that seek to place others’ needs above their own. Another area I hope to work on would be in managing my own emotions when dealing with these challenges through the day. It gets frustrating when I have to stop whatever I’m doing in the kitchen to intervene when a squabble occurs. However, I also realise that these daily ‘small things’ are opportunities for growth (for my children and myself), and it is important to prioritise working out solutions together with my children while keeping my cool.” – Lydia Chan, mum of 2 children #RaceToPraise
Posted 1 year ago
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